the getting there.

love. i went to a wedding last weekend and its gotten me all in my head about love and partnership and romance and . . .(sigh) adulthood. and to be perfectly frank i've never felt so . . .deflated. bewildered. spellbound. behind. i look around at all these men and women who are my age and married with careers and houses and (gasp) kids, and the fact that i am nowhere near any of those states of being or mind lights up before me like a neon sign. i'm not one of the big kids yet... i don't know how or if i will ever get there. and perhaps, once i get "there," "there" will feel just like "here" and i will have already discovered another "there" to which i need to get.

my oh my.